The Great Cookie Calamity of 2016

Another weekend, another batch of cookies! Easy, right?

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Water in a mason jar for extra douchey-ness.

I had some bananas that needed to be used up, so I found a great recipe for blueberry-banana cookies and thought I’d give it a go.

As usual, I made some substitutions based on what I had in the house: regular flour for coconut, and chunky peanut butter for smooth. I also subbed some of the blueberries for cranberries because they’re good for you, because I wanted to, and because they were already out on the counter.

First order of business was to “mash” the blueberries/cranberries.

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If you say so. Although this is less “mashing” and more “pulverizing-into-an-unrecognizable-paste.”

Throw it all in a bowl and mix thoroughly. Simple. Except I’m already starting to see a problem.

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Uuuhhhh…

Even to my totally-untrained eye, that is way too many wet-vs-dry ingredients for cookie dough. But hey, the recipe even says “add more water if it is too dry” so it’s gotta be ok, right?

That ain't right.
That ain’t right.

What the hell?

Maybe I shorted the flour… let’s just add a little…

Aw crap.
Aw crap.

Ok so we don’t really have any more flour… let’s just add what’s left and see what happens.

This will totally fix everything!
This will totally fix everything!
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Nope.

At this stage the “cookie dough” (and I use that term very loosely) strangely resembles the muffin mix I’d made 30 minutes earlier.

(Yes, I made muffins. Yes, homemade muffins. No, they weren’t a disaster. Yes, they turned out fine. No, no one got sick. THEY ARE DELICIOUS. STOP JUDGING ME.)

I have a sinking feeling. So, off to google and…

.... whoopsie.
… well $%^&.

It would appear regular flour is not a 1:1 substitution for coconut flour, like it is with rice flour. Not even close, dumbass. 

At this point I either need a ton of flour to try to fix this (which we’ve already established I do not have), or I can dump the whole batch in the garbage, which I gotta tell ya is really, reeeeeeeeeaaaally tempting.

Or….

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Nuts to this. You can’t tell me what to do.

When life gives you questionable cookie mush, you spread it on a pan and stick that &#$%er in the oven and hope for the best.

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Although I wouldn’t hope too hard, because… uh… look at it.

The end result was some sort of spongy flat cake-type thing. It was kind of soft inside but the dogs like soft treats (Guinness especially), so what the hey.

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Like a fruit cookie for people who hate real cookies, and also themselves because who eats fruit cookies.

I figured before I got any further into this I better do a taste test.

I question your judgement, human.
I love you, but I question your judgement, Mom.

Guinness is a polite dog, so he ate it, although without any real excitement. I figured this whole operation was probably a bust, but then…

.... I'm sorry I questioned you. I can haz moar?
…. I’m sorry I questioned you. I can haz moar?

SCORE.

Final result? An entire container of questionably-nutritious “dog treats” that I would be way too embarrassed to ever offer a human but hey, dogs. The pups like them, and that’s all that matters.

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Almost looks like I did it on purpose.

I’d like to say I learned something today (specifically about baking) but my main takeaway is that dogs are forgiving creatures, and I already knew that. That’s why we love them. And that’s why they’ll still eat my cooking.

But seriously... gimmie the cookies.
But seriously… gimmie the cookies.

 

Original, not-disastrous recipe from K9Instinct.com

Blueberry and Banana Dog Treats

INGREDIENTS

  • 1 cup of coconut flour
  • 1/2 cup of smooth peanut butter
  • 1/2 cup of mashed blueberries
  • 1/2 cup of mashed bananas
  • 4 eggs
  • 1/3 cup of warm water

DIRECTIONS

  1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
  2. In a large bowl, combine the coconut flour, peanut butter, crushed blueberries, mashed banana, eggs and water. Mix thoroughly, add more water if it is too dry.
  3. Roll out your cookie dough and use a cookie cutter to cut out shapes, or place on a cookie sheet covered in parchment paper in your size and shape of preference.
  4. Bake in the oven for 22 minutes.

THIS is why you shouldn’t rehome your dog on Kijiji

Allow me to rant for a moment.

If you’ve read some of my early posts you’ll know we got Kaylee from a Kijiji ad – and you’ll also know that I absolutely don’t recommend that. Here’s why.

Earlier this week a person in Newfoundland decided to rehome their 18 month old husky to someone in Nova Scotia. The new “owners” responded to a Kijiji ad, and all seemed well. Yesterday, the dog, Ace, was driven and transported on the ferry to NS, and now the dog has arrived in Cape Breton, and the new “owners” have decided they no longer want it because it’s “aggressive.”

The dog has not been out of the crate for 18+ hours, and has had no food, water, or bathroom breaks.

I’ve seen video of this dog and I would put money on him being frightened and frustrated and desperately wanting out of that crate, but I don’t see aggression; just a scared husky who doesn’t understand where his family is. Huskies talk. That’s what they do. 

Now you have an abandoned dog, a group of volunteers and concerned individuals (rescue and otherwise) huddled up at 10:30 PM on a Friday desperately trying to figure out how to make sure this dog (who is five hours away) is safe for the night, how to get him evaluated, and where to put him tomorrow.

If you find yourself in the unfortunate circumstance of having to rehome your dog, PLEASE contact a rescue. They do the leg work for you, and they make sure new families have an understanding of the breed they’re adopting. They do very serious checks to make sure it’s a good fit between the dog and the family. And if it’s not a good match, they find the dog a home that is.

Kijiji might be fine for your old bookshelves and video games, but it is no place for an animal.

***UPDATE: The dog is safe in the care of Litters ‘n’ Critters, thanks to some great volunteers. I have edited the content of this post to better reflect the situation now that more details are available. Ace is a lovely dog who clearly came from a loving home and we have spoken with his original owners, who are very glad he’s with us now!***

Bitey-Face

It’s been a quiet couple of weeks for the pups – Guinness has been nursing a pulled muscle in his front leg, and the fire ban has kept us away from our usual woodland running trail anyway.

Guinness and Kaylee are medium-energy dogs to begin with, so sometimes a little fetch, a couple games of tug, and a good round of bitey-face is enough to burn off the excess energy in the evenings.

Bitey-face, for those who are unfamiliar, is play style that amounts (at least in my house) to chewing on, body slamming, and biting your playmate, then dragging them around by the neck, while making an ungodly moaning/growling noise (with a few ear-piercingly-high-pitched barks for good measure). This play style is particularly effective if you have a non-dog person in the vicinity, as it will convince them that your dogs are vicious and certainly going to kill not only each other, but them, you, and your entire family.

Let me love you with my teeth!
Let me love you with my teeth!

In reality, bitey-face is like wrestling with your little brother, only with teeth. It’s a rougher play style – one you usually see with dogs that know trust each other – but it’s just play. And oh boy, do my two yahoos trust each other.

When we adopted Guinness five years ago, we quickly discovered he’d had no – or very limited – socialization with other dogs. He was, to put it nicely, extremely “socially awkward” – he didn’t know how to greet other dogs properly, he didn’t know how to read other dogs well, and he definitely didn’t know how to play. He was that slightly-uncomfortable friend who just didn’t quite get it.

We don’t know most of Kaylee’s back story but she was definitely socialized early and well (although she’ll choose people over other dogs 100% of the time). When we first brought her home we worried Guinness, who still hadn’t quite figured out the whole “no means no” thing, would be too rough with her….. hahahahahaha.

My delicate little flower.
My delicate little flower.

They say that the best dog trainer is a balanced dog, and since Kaylee and Guinness have started playing together we’ve seen Guinness become a much more respectful, fair and in-tune play-er. That being said, Kaylee gives it as good as she gets, and she loves to play rough. Her sweet run-under-you-and-then-flip-you-over move has landed G on his ass more than once, but then, all’s fair in love and play.. so if you walk past our yard and it seems like our dogs are killing each other, don’t worry – they’re just having the time of their lives.

 

 

Back to the Woods!

After some much-needed rain, the Province had lifted the travel rand activity restrictions on Nova Scotian forests today. If you usually walk your pups in the woods, have at ‘er!

Please continue to exercise caution as things are still pretty dry in places. For the latest updates on the fires visit novascotia.ca/nsfire.